Excited Combaticons
Jan. 10th, 2007 03:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dunmurderinTitle: Untitled, written for Excited Combaticons
Characters: Vortex and Blast Off
Rating: PG for talk of torture/mild slashy reference
Word Count 700 words (approximately)
Author’s Note: The “exhaust-choke” is based on a real device called a “Pear of Agony” which may or may not have been used by the Spanish Inquisition.
When it came to dealing with his brothers, there were three things Blast Off never did: he never turned off his audials completely during one of Onslaught's lectures; he never got between Swindle and food, and he never, ever stayed in the same room with a happy Vortex. At least not when his optics were shining like that.
Unfortunately for Blast Off, the heliformer was between him and the doorway.
"It came!" Vortex yelled, hugging a crate to his chest. “It came! It came! It finally came!”
“This is where I’m supposed to pretend to care and ask you what it is,” Blast Off said. “I’m not going to do that. Get out of my way so I can go be anywhere but here.”
“It’s a present!” Vortex said, moving closer with the crate and more or less forcing Blast Off to retreat. “From Rack!”
Blast Off vented exhaust in a sigh. “You’re not listening to me, are you?” he said. “I don’t care, Vortex.”
“I was talking to him the last time I was on Cybertron about how I don’t have any decent tools here on Earth because Primus knows where all our stuff ended up after we were imprisoned and he said he was sorry to hear that and then I had to come back to Earth and I didn’t think anything of it because, hey, why should I? But look! This just came in off the space bridge with the rest of the latest supply shipment! We had to fight the Autobots to get them away from it but we did and now it’s here!”
“You have the processor speed of an overheating Empty, you know that?” Blast Off said.
Vortex set the box down on the nearest bunk -- Brawl’s -- a move guaranteed to annoy the big tanker should he happen into the room. For a moment, Blast Off considered radioing for Brawl, but that would leave him stuck in a room with an angry Brawl and a happy Vortex and that was just too much to deal with all at once. He shifted closer to the door, in hopes of being able to creep past as Vortex cracked open the case and looked inside.
No such luck. “Oh my rotors!” Vortex cried, lifting something out of the box. It was a small device, rounded at the bottom but tapering near the top. Blast Off studied it, unsure if the several bumps on its surface distorted the smooth shape, or simply accentuated it.
Vortex looked at the object with something akin to the sort of reverence Onslaught reserved for a well-drawn battle map or that Swindle had for a particularly shiny piece of currency. Blast Off resisted the urge to ask what it was with a real effort.
“An exhaust-choke! Oh Rack, I’m going to have to do something terrible to you for this!” Vortex’s tone suggested that both he and Rack would both enjoy this ‘terrible’ thing.
“A what?” Blast Off could have slapped himself for asking.
“An exhaust-choke,” Vortex said, placing a small key in the top of the device and turning it. Suddenly, sharpened rods sprang from the bumps on the device’s surface. “You lock some poor dope in vehicle mode, ram this into his exhaust pipe and turn the key. Then, you put him on a treadmill and start him running. Eventually, the exhaust gases build up and his engine’ll die. Doesn’t kill ‘em, but it hurts like smelting while it happens. The studs make it adjustable, and impossible to move until the key‘s put back in place.”
“Lovely,” Blast Off said. “Truly fascinating.”
“Yeah,” Vortex said, setting the exhaust-choke back into the protective cradle of the box and picking up a small vice-like object. “Now this, this is an old school basic, run of the mill thumbscrew. This’ll crush fingers like crazy all day long. An’ he included some big ones in here that’ll handle arms and legs on anything this side of a Guardian.”
“And I’m supposed to care, because why?” Blast Off asked.
“Because I heard that crack about my processor an’ I need somebody to test these out on,” Vortex said, turning toward Blast Off with a grin.
Characters: Vortex and Blast Off
Rating: PG for talk of torture/mild slashy reference
Word Count 700 words (approximately)
Author’s Note: The “exhaust-choke” is based on a real device called a “Pear of Agony” which may or may not have been used by the Spanish Inquisition.
When it came to dealing with his brothers, there were three things Blast Off never did: he never turned off his audials completely during one of Onslaught's lectures; he never got between Swindle and food, and he never, ever stayed in the same room with a happy Vortex. At least not when his optics were shining like that.
Unfortunately for Blast Off, the heliformer was between him and the doorway.
"It came!" Vortex yelled, hugging a crate to his chest. “It came! It came! It finally came!”
“This is where I’m supposed to pretend to care and ask you what it is,” Blast Off said. “I’m not going to do that. Get out of my way so I can go be anywhere but here.”
“It’s a present!” Vortex said, moving closer with the crate and more or less forcing Blast Off to retreat. “From Rack!”
Blast Off vented exhaust in a sigh. “You’re not listening to me, are you?” he said. “I don’t care, Vortex.”
“I was talking to him the last time I was on Cybertron about how I don’t have any decent tools here on Earth because Primus knows where all our stuff ended up after we were imprisoned and he said he was sorry to hear that and then I had to come back to Earth and I didn’t think anything of it because, hey, why should I? But look! This just came in off the space bridge with the rest of the latest supply shipment! We had to fight the Autobots to get them away from it but we did and now it’s here!”
“You have the processor speed of an overheating Empty, you know that?” Blast Off said.
Vortex set the box down on the nearest bunk -- Brawl’s -- a move guaranteed to annoy the big tanker should he happen into the room. For a moment, Blast Off considered radioing for Brawl, but that would leave him stuck in a room with an angry Brawl and a happy Vortex and that was just too much to deal with all at once. He shifted closer to the door, in hopes of being able to creep past as Vortex cracked open the case and looked inside.
No such luck. “Oh my rotors!” Vortex cried, lifting something out of the box. It was a small device, rounded at the bottom but tapering near the top. Blast Off studied it, unsure if the several bumps on its surface distorted the smooth shape, or simply accentuated it.
Vortex looked at the object with something akin to the sort of reverence Onslaught reserved for a well-drawn battle map or that Swindle had for a particularly shiny piece of currency. Blast Off resisted the urge to ask what it was with a real effort.
“An exhaust-choke! Oh Rack, I’m going to have to do something terrible to you for this!” Vortex’s tone suggested that both he and Rack would both enjoy this ‘terrible’ thing.
“A what?” Blast Off could have slapped himself for asking.
“An exhaust-choke,” Vortex said, placing a small key in the top of the device and turning it. Suddenly, sharpened rods sprang from the bumps on the device’s surface. “You lock some poor dope in vehicle mode, ram this into his exhaust pipe and turn the key. Then, you put him on a treadmill and start him running. Eventually, the exhaust gases build up and his engine’ll die. Doesn’t kill ‘em, but it hurts like smelting while it happens. The studs make it adjustable, and impossible to move until the key‘s put back in place.”
“Lovely,” Blast Off said. “Truly fascinating.”
“Yeah,” Vortex said, setting the exhaust-choke back into the protective cradle of the box and picking up a small vice-like object. “Now this, this is an old school basic, run of the mill thumbscrew. This’ll crush fingers like crazy all day long. An’ he included some big ones in here that’ll handle arms and legs on anything this side of a Guardian.”
“And I’m supposed to care, because why?” Blast Off asked.
“Because I heard that crack about my processor an’ I need somebody to test these out on,” Vortex said, turning toward Blast Off with a grin.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 08:27 am (UTC)re
Date: 2007-01-10 08:35 am (UTC)Dun: Yeah, well, you're imaginary so nyah!
Blast Off: "Indeed."
Dun: See? You agree! You're imaginary! Hah!
Blast Off: "Yes, but I don't have student loans."
Dun: @#$@#...
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 08:42 am (UTC)1. A minibot Decepticon novelist whose characterization is based off of Harlan Ellison.
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 06:33 pm (UTC)Re: re
Date: 2007-01-11 03:33 am (UTC)So do I!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-10 08:40 am (UTC)But the childlike glee I can imagine in his optics... Oh he's such an adorable little sadist, innit he???
*still has mental image of him in pink glitter and Hello Kitty fishnets on his rotors* *snerks*
re
Date: 2007-01-10 08:49 am (UTC)As for paybacks, I figure the Combaticons have an elaborate system of "I'm doing this because you did that..." that makes the potlatches of the Pacific Northwest look like a simple potluck at the Fellowship Hall. On one MU* that Amy and I played on, the loss of a stuffed petrorabbit featured prominantly in many of Brawl's rages...usually unrelated to anything else. Brawl would just suddenly remember "Hey! You stole my petrorabbit!" and whale on whoever was closest *G*
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 01:03 pm (UTC)And isn't it the banana BOAT song? I've never heard of a banana phone song.
Banana Phone!
Date: 2007-01-10 06:26 pm (UTC)Slow Version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT1jmMX9ftE&mode=related&search=)
Fast Version. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzddYIPkrZY&mode=related&search=)
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 05:42 pm (UTC)Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 06:32 pm (UTC)*wonders if I should tell the story about Vortex and the ants...or Swindle and the truth virus*
Aww what the hell:
Vortex and the Ants:
Amy and I were bored one day on the game and she was having Vortex torturing ants with a magnifying glass. I posed some of the ants deciding the best place to be was inside the giant, tormenting robot and off they went, a'nibbling on wires as they did to enact revenge upon the big metallic jerk.
Now, Dun knew that the ants were there, but Swindle had no idea so when Vortex started acting
strangeyelling about tiny creatures attacking him, he just presumed that Vortex was, once again, off his tiny little nut.Eventually, Vortex managed to convince Swindle that the ants were real and we ended up taking Vortex inside to be bugbombed by a medic.
Swindle and the Truth Virus:
Our Venom player developed some kind of virus that had the side effect of making Swindle tell the truth (well, it would have made anybody tell the truth, but Swindle got exposed first). Swindle was miserable, not being used to telling the truth and thus constantly blurting out what he really meant to say as opposed to whatever lie he'd conconcted.
Picture Swindle walking down the hall and meeting up with Brawl. Swindle says something, Brawl looks angrily at him (Brawl's player at the time had it that Brawl's defautl emotion was anger), Brawl glares at Swindle, "YOU MAKIN FUN OF ME!?" Swindle has no choice but to look Brawl square in the face and squeak "yes". Brawl asks Swindle why, giving Swindle enough time to say "I can't lie" to which Brawl replies that that's just cruel and doesn't beat the slag out of Swindle since there's nothing he can do to him that's worse than what's already been done.
Dun
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 11:09 pm (UTC)(Was thinking of logging him on anyway, since Brawl and Ingenue had a fling way back during the Lost Years, and
Re: re
Date: 2007-01-11 01:43 am (UTC)Re: re
Date: 2007-01-11 03:40 am (UTC)Re: re
Date: 2007-01-10 11:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-11 03:40 am (UTC)Devi likes.