dunmurderin: icon of Cold War Reenactment Society -- more here: http://pyrrhiccomedy.livejournal.com/20930.html   (Cold War Reenactment Society)
[personal profile] dunmurderin
Not Gonna Lie, I bought this. I wanted to see it in the theater and I'm glad I didn't because I'd have been kicked out for screaming at the screen about how idiotic this movie is.

Granted, the 1984 version wasn't exactly high art and even at the time I thought the premise was kinda dumb. But the 1984 movie didn't stack the deck by having the kids be anything more than a bunch of dumb teenagers who are trying to be guerrilla fighters. They at least reacted like kids who didn't know what the hell they were doing, not like characters in a dumb action movie.

Also, really not happy that in this movie the kids are basically awesome special ops warriors straight out the gate. Yeah, yeah, they've got the soldier brother to help them out but that only goes so far. Them being so badass that the three Marine free Americans are supposed to join with them is BS.

Then again, them not being sold out a lot sooner by some local is bullshit. These are the North Koreans, they're not opposed to human rights violations in the pursuit of doing what they want.

And speaking of the North Koreans, y'know, it's pretty sad that the 1984 movie gives a much fairer portrayal of the Russian/Cuban invaders. They portrayed them as people. The North Koreans are just mean Asians who scowl, get shot, scowl some more and then ultimately lose.

Ok, I do agree with one of the Marines. I HATE these kids. I don't even know names of half of them, I don't care what happens to them -- beyond really, REALLY wanting Matty to die in a fire for being a damn selfish idiot. Yes, your big brother left for six years after your mommy died and you only left Larry Hama's GI Joe Babies for three days but y'know, I'm pretty sure when your mommy died, you guys weren't fighting a guerilla war against the entire North Korean Army.

Also, all this blather at the beginning of the movie about North Korea having the 4th biggest army in the world doesn't mean much to me since I recently read that American citizens have our military and law enforcement outgunned something like 8 to 1. Oh but yeah, we need a fucking football team to save us.

Which is ANOTHER reason why the switch from small town Colorado to Spokane, Washington bugs the shit out of me. The kids being the lone group of guerillas -- and therefore a threat to the invaders -- in a small town/rural area makes sense. I'm supposed to believe that in ALL of Spokane's 210,103 people (est. 2011) these eight or ten kids are the ONLY resistance? Really?

Though, looking up the 1984 movie, I find that the town that was used as the basis for the setting of the film has a population of around 14,408 which still strikes me as large for a small town. But then, I come from a town whose population is about 3,700 people so, I got a pretty biased idea of what small is. And I'll still give the 84 movie a pass for not being a pile of suck like the 2012 movie.

Oh wow, the little brother is learning to be a team player in a pinch! How did I know that would happen?! And it was inspired by the death of his big brother! WOW!

I'll give the 2012 movie props for using the larger city setting to an advantage in a few spots. The scene in the Subway was a funny bit of product placement.

Ok, soooo, Darryl, the lone surviving black kid, makes a noble sacrifice, but Matty lives and apparently the Wolverines found the cheat codes they needed to unlock the awesome gear and the immortal mode. FUCK. YOU. MOVIE!

The 1984 movie has two of the kids surviving, their guerrilla war ultimately failing though the US does win the war off screen. The whole thing was ultimately a tribute to the people of Afghanistan.

June 2017

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